Oh sure, Cinderella meets her Prince Charming. He’s handsome. He’s charismatic. He’s heroic. He dashes in on his white horse to save the day. But let’s not fool ourselves. In the end, he’s just a man. A typical, ordinary, everyday man.
As the prince and princess are whisked away in the horse drawn carriage and “Happily Ever After” flashes on the screen, real life begins and here’s what you don’t see.
1.He Leaves His Dirty Clothes Laying Around
Prince Charming is a slob. Bet you didn’t know. Well, he is. As soon as he walks through the door from his princely duties, he flings his shoes in the middle of the entryway, tosses his pants on the dining room chair, and he hurls his socks in the middle of the floor. Any floor. The closest floor. Whichever floor fancies him. Cinderella can’t even walk from her bed to her bathroom without stepping on underwear, socks, shirts, pants, whatever article of clothing he has worn since last laundry day.
2. He Leaves the Toilet Seat Up
Yep. Night after night Cinderella sits down to tinkle in her gold plated potty (Even the fairest of princesses have to pee) and SPLASH! Her royal butt lands right in the toilet. After the initial shock of the cold wetness, she curses Prince Charming for not putting the seat back down. I mean, it’s just not that hard (well, the seat itself is…) Put. It. Down. Geesh.
3. He Leaves His Whiskers in the Sink
Yes, of course they have separate sinks in their spacious master bathroom, but it drives Cinderella crazy every time she passes his sink and sees those tiny black specks coating the porcelain. The sink looks like it’s marinating with tiny specs of black pepper. There is a faucet right there. Why can’t he just turn it on and wash the whiskers away?
4. He Leaves the Drawers Open
Although Prince Charming can save the day, he doesn’t have the ability to close a drawer. It’s as if he isn’t strong enough to exert the necessary force to actually push the drawer all the way back in. Perhaps they should invest in those fancy self closing drawers. It may save the marriage someday. Well worth the price.
5. He’s an “Aroundtoit” Guy
No doubt the servants complete the daily maintenance and upkeep of the castle, but there are occasions when Cinderella needs Prince Charming to take care of something. His standard answer is, “I’ll get around to it”. Huh. Amazing how he made finding the glass slipper’s owner a priority. He went right out into the kingdom the very next day. Not a second to waste. But ask him to pick up his clothes? His response: “I’ll get around to it”.
6. He’s Hard of Hearing
When Cinderella and Prince Charming first met he was so into what she had to say. He would listen intently as she complained about her wicked Stepmother and stepsisters. But after the happily ever after? Not so much. How many times has Cinderella had to say the same thing over and over again? Prince Charming claims he doesn’t hear her. Hmmm. Really? Or is it selective hearing? And forgot about when he’s watching the television. No wonder he can’t hear her. The television is so bloody loud. I mean, who needs to watch a polo match at that level? You only need to SEE it, not hear it.
7. He’s Fashionably Challenged
Oh, the good old days when Prince Charming took the time to impress. His pants were crisp and ironed. Nary a wrinkle to be seen anywhere on his outfit. Debonair. Dashing. Suave. Cinderella swooned at the site of her sharped dress man. Today? Striped shirts with plaid shorts. Gym shorts, white undershirt, socks and sandals. Hardly GQ material. Dreadful. No sense of style whatsoever. Clearly, he dressed to impress. Those days are long gone.
8. He Snores. Loudly.
Cinderella has not had a decent night sleep since the credits rolled. Prince Charming snores. Really snores. Shake the walls snoring. She’s tried ear plugs. She’s tried burying her head under the pillow. She flails around hoping to wake Prince Charming up with an “accidental” kick in the shins every now and again. Nothing helps. Nothing works. Absolutely nothing. Well, actually one thing does: She sleeps in one of the 25 guest rooms to get a peaceful nights sleep. Perhaps it’s time for Prince Charming to try a CPAP machine?
9. He’s Gassy
Whether it comes from the upper orifice or the lower one, there a melody of gaseous noises expelled from Prince Charming. Bubbles up or bubbles down, bubbles are coming out of that man one way or another. Although he tries to blame the nasty belching on the butler and the putrid stench on the dog, Cinderella knows better. Clearly, the honeymoon is over.
10. He Has Short Term Memory Loss
Cinderella cannot count the number of times Prince Charming has not been ready for a ball, a wedding, or a coronation because he “forgot” about it. No matter how many times Cinderella informs him of said occasions, Prince Charming never remembers. She sends him messenger birds. She leaves reminder notes next to his sword. She sticks Post It notes on his horse. Yet, he still doesn’t remember. When his wicked mother-in-law arrives on the doorstep, Prince Charming is genuinely shocked to see her. After she has given him the death glare, Cinderella has to whisper sternly under her breath, “I told you like 10 times she was coming”.
Trust me, I know Cinderella isn’t perfect and I am sure there are many of her flaws that Prince Charming didn’t sign up for. But it is real life and I’m sure although they live in a fairy tale, many of us women in real life can totally relate.
